Why you should worry about your next relapse...especially if you're not an addict.

First off, I would like to apologize for the click-baity title. I chose it over my original idea ("About my relapse, and I what I'm going to do about it.") for a couple reasons.

The first reason is that I didn't want to freak people out by having them think I started drinking or binging again. Don't worry, my dears, no alcohol or multiple pizzas for me! (But I did add an extra spoonful of ice cream last night!)

The second reason is that I thought if I made it about me, the people whom I really wanted to read this post would scroll on by.

So...here it goes.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. My pain has consistently been high, my sleep has consistently sucked, there are financial issues going on, and I have been interacting with some seriously unhealthy people in my personal life. Not the best place to be. After I shared this with an acquaintance (who knows a little bit about my story), her response was, "You don't want to drink, do you? If so, can I do anything to help?"

My response was a mixture of shock, appreciation, and insight. Shock because, if that was her first thought, she identify me in her internal catalog of "people I know in recovery" and her interactions with me are thus influenced by that label. Appreciation because it was very sweet for her to want to help. And insight because I realized that I am in the relapse process.

Let me be very clear. After over 20 years of uninterrupted abstinence from alcohol, drinking is not in my top 10 list of ways to handle stress.

However, I cannot say I am completely sober.

This is because addiction is a spiritual disease which can ultimately manifest in addictive behaviors such as drinking or using or sex or shopping or.... The primary symptoms of this spiritual disease are, in and of themselves, spiritual. And, by spiritual I mean: I am fully present and accountable in living my purpose. Symptoms of the manifestation of this spiritual disease are: lack of motivation, feelings of "something" missing, holding resentments, blame and fear, and lack of satisfaction.

I know I'm preaching to the choir for many, many people in AA recovery; I've heard it said hundreds of times, "Everyone should participate in a 12 Step program!" Which is why I want to direct this post to those who are not addicts, but are suffering from this spiritual disease.

Are you living your life's purpose? Do you even know what it is? Do you suffer from "lack": lack of motivation, focus, achievement, or joy?